Life in the pocket

In the first post I ever wrote on this blog, I noted that I felt there just wasn't enough time to do everything I wanted to do.

I admitted, in that post, that the time existed, it was just a matter of using the time well. A recent article in the Harvard Business Review reiterates this idea (but with research!) that we should be managing our energy, rather than our time.

I looked closely at my energy and time management last month. I thought about my purpose, my ambition, my direction. I talked to trusted friends and shared my observations...of myself. It's a weird thing for me--being introspective. I'm bad at it, notoriously out-of-touch with what I'm feeling and how and why. I'd much rather be an emotional packesel (German for burro, or colloquially, the person who carries everyone else's stuff). But when I got in touch with my emotions, I realized I was spreading myself thin, trying to do everything and do it well.

I was the quarterback in the pocket. I was scrambling. I was being the hero. The human highlight film. I was threading the needle, selling jerseys, accumulating sponsorships. I was doing it all. I was awesome.

Then it struck me. Much of my ambition was thinly disguised narcissism. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't like this realization. But I realized something. I realized that--in this football analogy--I wasn't trusting the pocket. I was ignoring my offensive line. I wasn't exhibiting the patience and poise of a veteran quarterback; the one who wants to have a lengthy career. Instead, I was careening headfirst into the end zone, relishing the roar of the crowd at every flashy play...but I wasn't preserving myself, I was too risky, I was doing it all alone. And it just wasn't sustainable.

I realized that the people in my life who meant the most--the ones I wanted to cheer for me and applaud me--were my metaphorical offensive line. They were the ones who were capable of creating the pocket in which I could thrive. The thing is, though, they also include my colleagues, my students. Sometimes I need to hand off responsibility to my colleagues and friends (running backs), whereas other times my job is to collaborate and set others up for success (wide receivers).

Regardless of how I respond, the important thing is that I remain calm in the pocket. When I can do this, I enable my students to stay calm as well. My family functions more effectively when I take time for myself. And often, this means stepping out of responsibility, setting boundaries, turning people down, saying "no"...disappointing people.

Right now I am focusing on trusting my offensive line and waiting for plays to develop. I am listening to my students more intuitively; I am thinking creatively about what inspires me; and I have taken a step back from some of my own pursuits that have a tendency to become self-absorbed and self-fulfilling (while I don't believe I'm narcissistic or selfish, some of my habits, patterns, and hobbies were simply garnering too much of my energy without benefitting others).

So, how are my students helping me in this endeavor? Well they're my offensive line, my wide receivers. I am remaining present and calm in the pocket and trusting our united experience, alongside each other, as an exercise in teamwork, not in my display as a human highlight reel.