Loss and Gain

In Old English, the word los meant "destruction."

In Old Norse, it referred to the breaking up of the ranks of an army.

Today, my heart feels destroyed, disorder and confusion muddying the commands from my brain to my body...like an army whose ranks have broken.

Loss is so deep and so raw in my soul as the sun rises today. My friend Tim died yesterday. He's the one who once told me that schools are fragile things. It feels that way today.

Arundhati Roy once wrote a book called The God of Small Things. It deals with maintaining humanity amidst competing familial, societal, political, and cultural forces.

In response to the book, one of my favorite bands, Darlingside, wrote a song entitled "god of loss."

In the song, the quartet croons,

"Yes, we will leave here without a trace

Take a new name and an old shape

I'll be no outlaw, no renegade

Just your faithful god of loss

So meet me by the river

On a boat-shaped piece of earth

We press our bones together

And the spider does its work

With flakes of garlic

And petals from a rose

If it's small enough to carry

You and I can call it home."

 For me, this concept of loss, humanity, and rebuilding in a new way is indistinguishable from the character and impact of my friend and mentor.

The earth lost Tim yesterday just as I was teaching my students the difference between true leadership and false leadership during our study of Lord of the Flies

Strong leaders empower, we all agreed.
Weak leaders only influence.

Influencers cause people to act in a specific way, 
but they don't inspire them to be better. 
That's the work of empowerment.

And this is why, as I wake today, as I navigate the spaces that are tied so irrevocably to my memories of Tim, I feel empowered. He was too great a man to ever be gone and, while all leaders influence, leaders like Tim empower those around them to transform and lead in their own ways. He will forever be in us, not as a memory, but in our every action.

He's right here,

his daily impact bearing a new name,
but harnessing an old shape,
small enough to carry,
you and I can call it home.

This hasn't just been a loss. 
While the loss is incomprehensible, knowing you has been the greatest gain.
Thanks for everything, Tim. 

You are the best of teachers, the best of men.