Building trust

Sometimes building trust is difficult. Sometimes building trust requires a level of humility and humanity that isn't always easy to access given the pace of our days. Building trust takes vulnerability and it takes the ability to listen. Building trust happens when the important is prioritized over the urgent.

And building trust cannot be rushed. Building trust takes time.

I wonder if, perhaps, that's why we use the verb "building" to talk about trust. When building anything, one must be careful to go about things in the right order. Foundations must be surveyed and established first, and it is not always easy to see immediate progress when building. But for those intimately involved in the process? Progress is always happening, just as the quiet seed is laying roots beneath the surface...progress moves, however slowly, however unseen by the naked eye.

That's kind of like trust.

I have the following image on the notebook I carry with me everywhere. It comes from Patrick Lencioni's book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, and it is used to illustrate the hierarchy of dysfunctions.

 

At the bottom of the pyramid there's ABSENCE OF TRUST. According to Lencioni, in the absence of trust, each of the other four dysfunctions will be evident on a team (and yes, that means any team, all teams). Without trust you'll have a
Fear of conflict; 
Lack of commitment; 
Avoidance of accountability; 
and Inattention to results.

Sounds like a recipe for failure, right?

Well, my classroom is made up of human beings (myself included) who operate as a team and today I had the pleasure of watching my dear friend, Laconia Therrio (our school's artist-in-residence for the month of February) build trust with my students.

He made jokes.
He learned their names.
He asked them where their families are from.
He held space for their questions.
He told them stories that were hard to tell--stories that came from his experience, his heart.

Yet,
he also mispronounced their names.
He told jokes they didn't think were funny.
He embarrassed himself.

(and he does it on purpose)

But in each of those instances, he owned up to it. He showed them that he valued pronouncing their names correctly. He apologized for the bad jokes that landed poorly or whose impact differed from his intention. And he admitted his own insecurities.

By the end of his 50 minutes with my students...they trusted him.

Trust cannot be rushed. It takes time. It might feel like the time is wasted, but I assure you it is not.

My students' trust in me is the only reason they feel comfortable coming to tell me they need an extra day to study because they've been underslept and overwhelmed by the week they've had.

My student's knowledge that I won't shy away from conflict enables them to be committed. Because my expectations are reasonable and I'm willing to listen to their needs, they want to do well in my class and are committed. As a direct result of their commitment, they allow me to hold them accountable and to seek out a higher standard of engagement. And because they embrace accountability, they care about the link between their effort and their results.

They are active participants in their educations because they have relationships.

It starts with that. Kids will run through walls for you if they believe you value the time it takes to build trust.

As much as trust feels like it is an outcome-driven exercise, it is a different type of "building."
Trust is about the product. Things that are built exist, after all. But for trust to be built it must be 100% about the process. And that process takes time.